fmylife.com

This is a short screenplay I wrote based on a post on Fmylife.com, hence the title.

Fmylife.com

FADE IN

INT. FEMININE BATHROOM- DAY

Eighties power ballads ring in the cramped, yet clean, bathroom. A feminine outline is silhouetted in the steam of the shower, rocking the air guitar and belting “Paradise City”. The shower is turned off, and ELLE RILEY steps out. She is in her early twenties and unsubconsciously naked, continuing to dance around while she finishes her morning routine.

She strikes the rock flamingo and mimes the guitar solo. She then looks at her watch, swears under her breath, spits out her toothpaste and hurries out. Note: all the angles in this scene should look weird, and the visual quality should be low, as in that of a web cam. When she runs out of the bathroom real life starts, and quality and normalcy of angle should resume.

INT. KITCHEN- MINUTES LATER

Elle stares at the toaster impatiently. We hear a door slam in the house and a clumping down the stairs. Her smarmy little brother, KEVIN, enters and immediately crowds her. He pushes her face back, pops up the toaster, grabs the pop tarts and runs out smirking. The front door slams.

ELLE
Asshole!!! (Under her breath) OK. I’m OK. I’m not late, yet.

She puts in two more pop-tarts, thinks better of it, and grabs them cold. She runs out of the kitchen, we hear the door slam.

EXT. BEAT UP CAR- DAY

She buckles her belt and looks herself squarely in the rear view mirror.

ELLE
Today, I am in control. Today, I will
be the master of my own destiny.

The car starts and backs out of the driveway and camera. Still seeing Elle’s suburban neighborhood, we hear voice over.

ELLE
Today, I found out my brother was selling
pictures of me in the shower to pay for his
world of war craft subscription. F my life.

INT. TEACHER’S LOUNGE- After school.

Elle sits alone in the lounge, looking like a bombed out house. She is clearly the youngest there. A nerdy looking twenty something, ROBERT WILLIAMS approaches her table.

ROBERT
Hey, can I sit by you? I feel kinda
like a student in here with all these
older… Geez, are you ok?

ELLE
Huh?

ROBERT
I’m Robert Williams. Rob. I teach
Math and computer science.

ELLE
So, you like teach kids how to make
websites and stuff?


ROBERT
Oh, well, yeah. A lot of them have
started to blog. Some have even started
internet businesses. It’s kinda cool and
why are you looking at me like I ran over
your dog?

Elle jumps to her feet, grabs his wrist and tries to march him out of the teachers’ lounge like he’s a five year old with ADHD on the way to the principal’s office. Cut to:

Exterior- Parking lot in front of high school- Day


ELLE
You did this. You’re going to fix it.

ROBERT
What did I do?

Elle releases him, takes out her phone and taps the keys. Seventies porn music starts playing in the dingy way you hear on phone loudspeakers. She shoves the screen in his face and hisses.

ELLE
My smart-ass of a brother started a
website. Cool? No, douchebag, not cool!
He’s selling photos and videos of me in
the shower. I want you to make this go
away. I teach health. You know what that
means? Sex ed. Sex ed for the dweebles
who have paid to see my tits. If a parent
finds this, I’m dead. Fired. Lifetime movie
of the week humiliated. And I have student
loans! Oh my god!

ROBERT
Feel better?

ELLE
A little.

ROBERT
I can’t do anything from here, but if you
can get me his computer I can take down the
site, at least.

Robert turns off the phone and hands it back to her. She starts walking away from the school, he follows her.

ELLE
You’re seriously going to help me? After
I just verbally vomited all over you?

ROBERT
Sure. We’ll make this go away.


ELLE
You know, I want more. I want my dillweed
of a brother to crash and burn.

She unlocks her beater of a car. They get in.

INT. FILTHY TEENAGE BOY’S ROOM-DAY

Elle leans over Robert, who is sitting at her little brother’s computer terminal, quickly typing and checking things on the monitor.

ELLE
So, the web cams are repositioned?

ROBERT
Check.

ELLE
Website content?

ROBERT
Removed, shredded ten times, replaced
with the new content you provided.
Passwords reset to your specifications.

ELLE
Good. Warcraft?

ROBERT
Disabled, items and characters up for
sale on eBay. It might not stick, but
it’ll be a massive pain in the butt to
get his account back to normal.

ELLE
Excellent. Paypal?

ROBERT
Set to deposit to your bank account,
you know, people really shouldn’t use
pet names for passwords. You try to
teach a person… Random, people, random.


ELLE
OK. Mission completed. Hey, you want a
coffee or something?

ROBERT
Sure. I know a good Starbucks.

ELLE
It’s ok. I know a nice local joint.

Int. Elle’s kitchen- Day.

She stares at the coffee maker as it slurps out the brown fluid. Elle smiles at Robert and grabs two mugs from the cupboard. He suddenly seems nervous and awkward now that Elle is calm.

ELLE
Finally. But I think it’ll be worth
the wait. Cream and Sugar?

He nods, she pours coffee for them both, adds cream and sugar. We hear the door slam in Kevin’s signature style and him galumph up the stairs. His door slams. They sip their coffee and a high pitched scream keens through the air vents. Kevin’s room sounds like a hurricane is hitting it, but ELLE smiles.

ROBERT
Sound and fury, huh?

ELLE
You could say that.

She grabs her car keys.

ELLE
C’mon, Bert. Let’s take you back to
school.

They exit the kitchen. Elle takes his arm in a friendly way.

ELLE
I wonder how much people will pay to
watch a teenager trash his room. Oh
well, at least he’ll be famous on youtube.
You know, Bert, you don’t too talk much. I
like that.

FADE TO BLACK.